Hey Fatso

Dr. Nello:

Are you thinking of losing weight? You don't need to kill yourself over that fat belly.

-- Jarrett Meyers

Dear Jarrett:

Ouch! I wasn't thinking of losing weight until I got this email. Am I really that fat? I have stopped shaving recently to hide my double chin, but I didn't think I had let myself go that much. I hope I'm not headed towards morbid obesity like Nurse Chris!

I suppose I need to give myself some advice on this problem. I don't think the "Ask the Dr. Chris" weight loss video would help (it apparently didn't do much for Nurse Cellulite). Amputation would lead to a lower number on the scale, but I'd like to keep what remaining appendages I have. The only option left is dieting.

There are so many fad diets out there, how am I to know which one is the right one? The answer, of course, is disgorging. And what better way to do that than to spend a month in China eating goose necks and chicken claws? I'm bound to get sick and throw up after eating that gross stuff.

I'll have to prepare for my trip by eating plenty of mandarin oranges. I'll probably head over there sometime this summer, and when I get back, I'll be half the size of my adipose assistant (eg, normal sized).

Once again, I am not nearly as pudgy as Nurse Chunky.

-- Dr. N