Nurse Chris and Doctor Nello team up to answer their 100th letter!
I've just eaten an entire package of oreos by myself and I want more. I'm also laying in bed for the 3rd consecutive day. I realize I should get up, but I think I found the perfect spot and I'm worried that I will never find this level of comfort again. Please help!
-- They Were Cool Mint Oreos, Double Stuf
Dear They Were Cool Mint Oreos, Double Stuf:
I was starting to to think you were a little crazy until I got to the part where you explained that the Oreos were of the cool mint double stuf variety.
Now we've all dreamed of the perfect spot, only few have actually found it though. I recommend you stay in that spot for now, and give me time to come over and then you can get up and I will let my body sink into the imprint your body has left in the bed. The truth is, I have recently gone through a little bit of a weight increase (in the neighborhood of 200lbs), and my energy and will to move have dropped dramatically. I want that spot. Please though, do whatever it takes to not go to the bathroom until I arrive.
After you've left the spot and realized your mistake, I suggest counseling to help you get over the fact that you lost your only opportunity to be perfectly comfortable.
-- DaN
Dear Doubly Stuffed:
I was sharing your problem with a colleague when she grabbed my collar and yelled, "Do NOT discuss oreos, especially cool mint double stuf, unless you've bought them for me!" I was scared that I might die. I wanted to pass this warning on to you that discussing cookies can be hazardous to your health.
What I find curious about your situation is that you've been laying in bed for three days and just now finished the bag of cookies. If it takes you that long to eat mint oreos and you didn't bring a second package, then I think while you may have found the perfect spot, you don't have what it takes to be a perfect spotter. A perfect spotter must be prepared to either extra food on hand or a loved one dedicated to bringing food. Also, you must either be on a toilet, or whatever you're on becomes a toilet. You should give up now, as you are too weak to be a fabric-skinned lounger.
Or, maybe because I have been having back problems for a while, I'm trying to get that perfect spot from you before Nurse Chris does.
-- DrN
2 comments:
That lady did the same thing to me when I mentioned oreos too.
Oreos couldn't do this to me, not even double stuffed - it would take something like chocolate chips. I agree that provision should have been made for food to be brought regularly. The bathroom thing gets tricky. The is no way around it, you just have to become content with your own company and lose your sense of smell. Trust me, it only takes a few weeks.
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