Meat, Cheese, and Name-Calling

Dear Doc and Nurse:

I'm not very well liked in my house, and sometimes I get things thrown at me unexpectedly (like a bag of meat or a block or cheese). Most of the time my parents aren't around so they don't see it happen to me. If I tell them, my brothers might call me mean names like "Tattle tale," "Ugly," "Stupid," or even throw more meat and cheese at me! This has to stop! But how?

-- Black and Blue

P.S. Has Nurse Chris's test come in? I hope you like the results!

Dear Black and Blue:

I think you need a new perspective on your situation. Do you think starving people in Elbonia feel sorry for you that you have meat and cheese thrown at you? Next time free, delicious food is so graciously handed to you, remember those less fortunate. As for your brothers' name-calling, they are doing you a favor with their destructive criticism. This way when someone calls you less (yet still) offensive names like "monkey butt" or "dumb face," you're prepared to not only take it, but dish it out as well.

What I want you to do is thank your brothers for the nutrition and character building they are providing you. Offer to clean their room, buy them something expensive, or just let them punch you. You'll all benefit from this kind of relationship.

Nurse Chris's gender test was accidentally destroyed by the testing company, and a new test is scheduled for the near future. Nurse Chris doesn't mind ... gender tests are fun (for Nurse Chris, anyway)!

-- Dr. N