Dear Nurse Cheesehead:A few months ago, my brother got Slurpees for himself and me, and of course, he did not buy the flavor I requested. In fact, he didn't buy them at all! He realized recently that, when talking to me on the phone about the Slurpees, he was distracted and walked out of the gas station minimart without paying. Should I turn him in? I doubt there's a reward and oil companies are evil anyway. Since being raised in a family with a "punish the offender and the one who tattles" strategy, I'm 24 years old and still don't know when tattling is appropriate.
-- I Wanted Frozen Coke, I Got Stolen Cherry
Dear IWFCIGSC,
Tattling is a sensitive subject. We all know what happened to Tattle Tale Tit, his tongue was split, and all the little dogs in town had a little bit. Now you mentioned that the oil companies are evil, this is very true, and their evil is two reasons not to do anything about this situation. First, They deserve to be stolen from. Second, they will No Doubt torture you (probably with Gwen Stefani). And third, is there anyway for us, being only human, to make the distinction of whether or not this is a tattle worthy offense? Obviously this decision has been made harder as your parents beat the sense of right and wrong out of you. Hopefully, you can show this letter to a sibling of yours and start a fight.
This truly is a unique letter, as there is no way to answer it properly. There are so many variables; were the Slurpees good? Did you finish them? Did they refresh you properly? Or were they unsatisfactory, in which case they could have been returned for a full refund? (In that case, next time, after they have been stolen, return the mostly finished Slurpees for a 'refund' and earn some cash!) But lastly, my advice to you is to seek counseling to help you cope with all your feelings.
-- N to the Urse
