College BreakDOWN

Dear Dr. Nello and Nurse Chris:

I am a really cool and popular 19 year old boy. Here is my problem: while I'm home from college I am stuck in a home with possibly the worst three people you could imagine.

One is my little sister, "Sara;" she is homeschooled, and it shows. I can't go anywhere in public with her around.
Next is my younger brother, "Dan." Dan is also homeschooled, but that's the least of his problems. He claims to be over his bed wetting problem, but I know he's lying. I've many times witnessed him changing his sheets in the early morning, and even wetting his bed from about 10 feet away in the middle of the day! It wouldn't really bother me except that I share a room with him.

The last person is my mom (we'll call her "Mary"). Mary is constantly on my case because I have TUDE. It's not my fault I'm like this, she raised me. She is the one being bossy and not buying me everything I want!

None of this really affects my social life or anything because these people don't bother me when I'm at school, but I was just wondering how I could make breaks from school more bearable. If you both could answer, so I can pick the best response, I would be appreciative.

-- Trapped at Home

Dear Trapped in the Closet:

I am very sorry for you, those truly do sound like some of the worst three people to live with. But I think I can imagine three worser people. Think of what your life would be like if you had to live with Rosie O'Donell, Dora the Explorer and that Dell "Dude!" guy.

For your sister, I recommend buying her a T-shirt that reads "Homeskooled." Now when people see her acting weird, they will assume she's doing it on purpose, and she's seen as "cool" in the same way that nerds are cool if they're purposefully nerdy. For your brother, you could verbally and physically abuse him until his problem stops (it should only take a few days). For your mother, I recommend you have her read our article on TUDES. Also, play Kelis's "Bossy" and Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" until she gets the message (this has worked on my own mother!). [NOTE TO PARENT'S: "BOSSY" IS A RAP SONG WITH MILD LANGUAGE.]

-- Dr. N

Dear Trapped:

Sounds like all you need to do is change your outlook. For Sara, try imagining that she is actually your pet monkey. While she may seem to be a stupid human, she would probably be a very smart monkey!

You obviously don't understand your brother very well. He probably has territory control issues and subconsciously tries to warn intruders. This is quite common in many species of animals.

Your mother is probably just tired of children. Dealing with three kids for nearly 20 years can drive a woman crazy and that is probably why she cannot tolerate TUDE. Try to be less TUDEish around her as at this point you will not be able to change her.

--Nurse Chris

P.S. For all of you who are wondering about my gender, I am going to the doctors tomorow to find out. I will keep you informed!