Wash Hands or Get Worms

Dear Doctor and Nurse:

The other day, my family and I were driving around when a type of worm illness came into the conversation. My lovely mother was describing what the symptoms were, then said one that was rather sickening to hear. No one said anything about it. Then my father told a little more of what happens to you and said something equally disgusting. My mother was furious and told my father that was a horrible thing to say. I don't know who's to blame: my father because my he shouldn't have continued the issue, my mother for being a hypocrite, or the worm for even existing? Help!

-- Worried About Worms

Dear Worried:

It sounds like your parents have problems with TMI. Too much information, sadly, can have unintentionally disastrous results, which seems to be the case here. Instead of ensuring through fear that you will wash your hands after every bowel movement to prevent a worm infection, your parents have merely instilled a desire in you to not listen to them. Hopefully you already have an innate sense to cleanse yourself after numero duo. If not, don't block me out when I say WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE POTTY. (You'd think this would be obvious, but I witnessed many a dorm student leave a stall without stopping by the sink when I was in college!)

Here's another example of how TMI is just not helpful. Right now I am suffering from a rare disease that as-yet does not have a name (I'm thinking perhaps "iphelicrappola"). This disease is one of the worst known to humanity. It started out as a horribly sore throat, which progressed into a terribly horrible sore throat that goes down through my chest. I lie in bed with three blankets, a sleeping bag and a wool sweater and shiver uncontrollably. I cannot sleep for more than an hour at a time because I wake up in such agony. If I do happen to temporarily fall asleep, I wake up drenched in sweat. My nose is clogged, and when it's not clogged it's bleeding. My saliva is so thick that if I try to spit I just get a long line of drool hanging from my lip and have to manually remove it. And ever since I got this rare, excruciating, nearly fatal disease, I have not been able to swallow once without wincing.

After reading that paragraph, I wanted you to simply be more informed about iphelicrappola so you can take care not to catch it yourself. Unfortunately, though, you're probably feeling very sympathetic for me and desire to send me get-well-soon cards, presents and money. (Either that or you're feeling sick yourself.)

So remember two things: don't give TMI, and wash your hands.

-- Dr. N