Dead Letter

Dear Sir/Madam:

My name is Mrs Susan Abu. I'm the personal secretary to the new Minister of Finance. I'm directed to contact you by the Minister to urgently confirm from you if actually you know one Peter Woo who claims to be your business Associate/Partner in Nigeria. The said Mr. Peter Woo is claiming to us that you are dead and he would like to change all the information that you gave to us as the legal bona fide beneficiary. As you may know, the total amount in your favor is $30 million.

We need to confirm from you if it's really true that you are dead. If we do not hear from you it automatically means that you are actually dead and the information passed to us by Mr. Peter Woo is correct.

Your swift response will help this ministry a lot. Do email me with your full name and direct phone number for an easy communication, your age and occupation to this effect. Finally send your urgent response. Best regards.

-- Mrs Susan Abu, Secretary for the Federal Minister Finance

Dear Prince Abubu:

The truth is, I actually know two Peter Woo's who claim to be my business partners/associates in Nigeria. I hope that by not just knowing one Peter Woo like you asked, that I might be able to receive double the amount.

Now you stated that if I do not respond, it automatically means that I am actually dead. Does that mean that if I am alive now, but never respond that I will die? How much time do I have to do this? And if I am dead do I still get the money? I don't really mind if my information is changed as long as I get the money.

To get to the important issue, my life status. I honestly can't give you a good answer. Do dead people know they are dead? If you remember the movie, The Sixth Sense, the main character does not find out he's dead until the end of the movie. As you probably know, I am not quite as clever as Bruce Willis, and if I am dead, it would take me a lot longer then a few hours to figure it out. This brings up the age old question, do monkeys know that they are monkeys?

I hope my response was swift enough for you, I really do enjoy helping out ministries. My full name is Nurse Chris something (I can't remember it all but that should be close enough), my direct phone number for easy communication is 1-800-356-9377, I am 19 years old (possibly dead though) and I'm not quite sure what my occupation to this effect is. Finally, my urgent response is "Yes!"

If some or none of that information is helpful, I suggest you seriously consider looking into therapy, because obviously you are a confused individual.

-- Chris RN