Cool Cruise or Cold Cuts

Dr. Nello:

Congratulations! You've been identified to receive a FREE Two Night Carribean Cruise for two adults! As our guest, you'll cruise round-trip on the Regal Empress from sunny Ft. Lauderdale, FL, to Nassau in the tropical Bahamas. Your introductory "Fam-Trip" cruise includes a private cabin, all meals and entertainment.

"Fam-Trip" is travel industry jargon for a "Familiarization Trip" which is a free or highly discounted vacation package that most Travel Agents receive as a perk to "familiarize" themselves with fine Resorts and Cruise Ships like ours. We believe you're just as qualified as a travel agent to experience our "familiarization" tours.

Please call; no purchase necessary, no strings attached!

-- Imperial Majesty Cruise Line Vacations

Dear IMCLV:

On the one hand, a free trip to the Bahamas sounds exhilirating. I've wanted to travel there ever since I was supposed to go in 2000 but had to cancel to go to my stupid brother's wedding. (Is it my brother that's stupid, or was the wedding stupid? Maybe both.) And I am not one to easily pass up free food.

Howe'er, I currently have plans to head overseas to Genoa, Italy. I'm attending "InPsyBloCon '09." That's short for "Internatioal Psychaitrist Blogger Convention 2009", where we doctors "psychaitrize" and "blog" like travel agents "familiarize." I'm also stocking up on salami.

(Thank you for explaining the term "Fam-Trip." I thought at first the "Fam" stood for "family," and I thought there was no way in Gahhenoa I was taking them with me.)

This is a tough decision to make; the Bahamas will definitely be warmer, but I've never missed an InPsyBloCon. I think I'll google your service to make sure it's not a scam, and then get back to you.

-- Dr. N