Dear Doctor Nello:I am 12 years old and home-schooled. My favorit hobbies are barking at squirrels and hanging with my cats. I have only two "friends". They're nice, but i have to pay them $50 each for them too play with me for a day. Can you halp? How can i make real friends?
-- "Baby"
Dear "Baby":
I could have guessed that you were homeschooled from your misspellings and grammatical errors. Nevertheless I will try to "halp" you.
First I suggest killing your cats or at least giving them away to a shelter. Cats are stupid and unsanitary. Next I suggest purchasing an invisible electric fence, like the kind dog owners have. Wear the collar yourself and set the fence around your house. Now when you try to bark at squirrels, the collar will shock you and end this habit.
As for your lack of true friends, unfortunately that is pretty much the only way to go for homeschoolers. You could however get a much better rate than $50 a day. I recommend RentAFriend.com; RAF was recently rated #1 on J. D. Power and Associates "Best Fake Friend Companies" List. Also, many people who use RAF later go on to make real friends ... sometimes. It's worth a shot.
-- Dr. N
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