Dear Dr. Nello & Nurse Chris:My mother is worried that I will never get married because I'm already 25. Should I just settle for anyone at this point, or do I still have a chance at making a good match someday? Also, she has been vocal about her belief that I should only date guys within a small radius of where she lives. It seems to me that conflicts with her first wish of me marrying soon because it would restrict the possibilities. Furthermore it is complicated by the fact that I actually live 10 hours away from home, so I'm not even in that radius. What should I do?
-- Back in the Bend
P.S. What are your qualifications in the relationship department?
Dear Bend:
Your mother is rediculous. Plenty of people are older than 25 when they get hitched. Take for example Howard Marshall, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Elizabeth Taylor. Even Demi Moore was 42 when she married Ashton Kutcher!
Let's be honest, though, you are past your prime, and you have slim pickings left. I'd suggest online dating. I'm not referring to eHarmony or DesperateForLove.com, but gamer websites like GameTap or MSN Zone. These sites are full of young, single men who would do anything for a girlfriend, and chances are very high that one lives near your mother. Believe it or not there are also mail-order husband catalogs; I'd suggest perusing these.
Supposing you are able to find a more suitable mate outside of these venues, I ask you why does the location of these men even matter to your mother? What I recommend is lying. When you meet a good man from far away, tell your mother that he really does live within ten miles, and even give her a phony address. If she looks him up on MapQuest and can't find it, tell her, "Oh, he lives in the country and is unlisted." If you give her an address that turns out to be real and she tries to visit him, say, "Oh, he just moved and I don't have his new address yet." If she gets suspicious just remind her of your advanving age and she'll stop pestering. This only has to last as long as the courtship. If after the wedding she discovers the truth, there's not much she can about it as you'll be out of her radius anyway.
There's something strangely consanguineous about your letter, so I'll have to inform you that I'm happily married to my beautiful wife. Sorry. But Nurse Chris may in fact turn out to be a man ...
-- Dr. N
3 comments:
is back in the bend honestly 25 and single? Your advice was weak. First of all, it was clear to me that this was another case of let the mom take all the blame, while the father feels exctally the same. Because Dad is an introvert, he lets mom be the mouthpiece: hence, the bad guy and if people don't like the message and want to kill the messenger he looks conviently innocent of having had any opinion. I smell a rat. Nevertheless, Bend should contact my friend if she's looking for love. My friend, let's call her Mari, is an excellent matchmaker and very discreet. There are also some religious orders that prefer a more mature woman, perhaps Bend would want to start her own order - hopefully within 30 miles from her parents home.
mcfranz - you seem to be awfully defensive. Let's assume arguendo that it IS both parents - how do you respond to the substance of Bend's letter - mainly, that her parentS' concerns seem to conflict: they are worried she's getting old, but also want to put limitations based on location (a location she's not even in). Also - religious life is something you have to be called to. It's not just a default position when you haven't found the right person yet. Furthermore, Bend is not interested in being "set up."
OK, perhaps I didn't really address the "assume arguenda" of the letter. Like that's a real term anyway. Legaleese aside - what does Bend have against being "set up?" Perhaps more objective persons can find a better match than someone led by an affair of the heart. Heavens knows it may have spared me thiry plus years of vexation.
Also Bend must be openminded and ask has this matchmaker had any sucess with anyone she knows - like her brother? If Bend's parents seem conflicted with the age vs settle for whomever and wherever they may hail from, I believe Bend will understand all when her beloved child presents a similiar situation. Do Bend's parents have other children they never get to see enough because of geographical issues? And do these children ever wish their parents were closer? Also Bend might be surprized to know some other parents who feel the same way. (Call home for further details on this one.)
Finally, how many have resisted the call to take the veil not because it wasn't a genuine call, but because they were sidetracked by "the world". Nevertheless, I doubt that Bend's parents would ever choose such a vocation unless their child sincerely and enthusiastically wanted it.
Also no doubt Bend's parents wish the best for her and would not ever really interfer with her decision; but are suggesting that when one starts with a clean slate they should list location among the priorites so that the parents/grandparents can spend time with the ones they love. Consider too, that when men age their wives are generally uncomfortable with their driving and their children want to take their licenses away, diabetics fall asleep when driving, and not all retirees can afford to fly all over, expecially if they had ten children and they are scattered. Need I say more? Bend's parents probably have missed her very much since she went away from home at 17 and never lived there since.
Post a Comment