Dear Doctor Nello:Aren't you worried about swine flu, especially with your internation travel? We suggest you wear a mask on the plane. You don't want to get germs from fellow passengers.
-- Muddah and Fadduh
Dear M & F:
The only way I would wear a mask on a plane is if it were Halloween (which it is today, but not when I flew) or in the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure and the oxygen masks appear. Being a medical professional, I am not worried about this supposed "swine flew" disease. Besides, I carry a bottle of hand sanitizer with me. It is six ounces, which Italian security reminded is more than the maximum three ounces allowed before handing it back, and it kills germs just fine.
What bothers me more than catching the flu from fellow passengers is being expected to say "bless you" after one sneezes. Why do I have to say this phrase, especially when someone sneezes several times in a row or, like an older woman I know, fake sneezes several times in a row? After I get back from my November Roman Holiday with Nurse Chris I am going to start a letter-writing campaign to end this archaic practice.
Another bizzare tradition about sneezing is that we are supposed to cover our mouths when eating spaghetti, for fear that we will cause meatballs to roll and grow into spaghetti trees. This is ridiculous! My Nello's restaurant in New York is so successful because of my spaghetti tree that I get wealthy Russian businessmen to drop $52K in one night.
So I say, uncover your mouth, don't say gesundheit and simply soak in sanitizer.
-- Dr. N
2 comments:
Where do I begin? No, there's too much - let me 'splain. First Michael, check your connection on wealthy Russian businessman. When I clicked on it, it sent me to some accusation about Michael Jackson's personal habits that I'd rather not have known. Don't let your audience fall into the same trap - or there might be a lawsuit.
Secondly, your muddah and faddah are absolutely right. I'm wondering why they didn't mention the white lab coat, shower cap and booties that I hope my son the international traveler is wearing. I'm thinking of sending him a year's supply of booties and rubber gloves for Christmas so he will feel as safe as I want him to be.
As far as the sneezing to whom should we be sending our petitions?
Also, did you skip the part in med school where they taught about the unique condition that middle aged women sometimes exhibit when they are so full of goodness that they actually have to sneeze some out?
Are you sure you're not a quack?
link fixed
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