It's Pronounced "Pro-PAY"

Hickory Dickory Doc:

I have an addiction to a non-addictive substance. I drink gallons of bottled water daily. This is not only expensive, but the mess from the empty bottles drives my family crazy. Even our beloved environmentalists are weighing in against bottled water these days. When the bottled water craze began, I resisted paying for something I could get free from a faucet in my home. I even have one of those oversized refrigerators with a chilled water dispenser in the door, yet I go on carting these heavy, expensive containers home from the store. Can you explain this? It's not helping me control my appetite, and the benefit factor is not obvious even to me. Is this actually a problem as family members claim, and if so is there help? Perhaps you could suggest clever gifts I can make with the piles of empty bottles?

-- One Who is Self-Propelled

Dear Self-Propelled:

If you are diabetic, Propel seems like a decent choice for consumption as it serves "as an alternative ... for people trying to avoid excess sugar and carbohydrates while still satisfying the body's need for electrolytes to combat dehydration." Of course, you could probably obtain electrolytes from several other cheaper sources, but at least you can claim some health benefit. However, there is no need to waste your money on the bottled Propels as there is now powdered Propel.

As you are addicted to this drink, though, I can tell you're going to keep purchasing the bottles in bulk, so let's think of creative things to do with the empty containers.

1. Punch holes in the tops and bottoms of the bottles. Run 6-foot strings through the bottles so there are about seven or eight bottles on a string. These can be hung from a ceiling or curtain rod, similar to beaded curtains. They can also be used as whips.

2. Strip off the labels, turn upside down and stack to create whimsical decorative statues.

3. Cut the bottles in half down the middle vertically and use the halves as ... something.

-- Dr. N