Hurting Head Healing

Dr. Nello:

It's so good to know that the doctor is in again. I have had so many questions to ask, but since you have be on hiatus, I have turned to drink and justinespired.blogspot.com. This has been difficult as one gives me a hangover and the other brainfreeze. While both of these conditions are okay, I'm afraid I now find that every time I drink too much I read blogs, and even sober I'm reading Justine's on a daily basis. Is there any help for me? Do I have bloggeritis or something? Must I leave my computer at the curb on garbage day? Pretty soon my puter time will rival that of my no good sons. Help!

-- One of Your Many Non-Paying Patients

Dear Freaky-Deaky:

Bloggeritis would be an inflammation of the blogger. You are not a blogger and probably not inflamed either. Therefore I diagnose that you do not have bloggeritis. You actually have "malblogoholism," which is a combination of an alcoholism and an addiction to poorly written blogs.

I'd recommend getting a spam/virus blocker for your internet browser to keep you off that J website, but I can tell you are not computer savvy as you call a computer by the reprehensible term "puter." So instead I suggest that you have your wonderful sons hide your computer glasses. This will keep you from viewing the content of justupid.com and replace your brainfreezes with headaches.

Now that we've consolidated your problem into a hurting head, let's work on that. I can't just prescribe pain killers, because it's well known that medicine and alcohol can have dire results and I'd likely be sued. Instead I recommend holistic healing. Buy very large magnets and screw them to your head (just be sure to remove them when using your computer to see this site). Acupuncture works as well, and remember "the bigger the needles, the faster the healing." Lastly you can try "yogart," which is the recent fad of exercising yoga while submerged in yogurt.

I hope this helps, but if it doesn't, you don't pay me anyway.

-- Dr. N