Bloody

Dear Donors:

I hope you are enjoying your summer break!
As you may remember, you signed a pledge, at your last High School Blood drive, to brighten area lives this summer by donating blood between July 1, 2009 and August 31 2009. During the summer months, we have fewer donors than normal coming in to donate and the need for blood greatly increases so your donation can greatly impact your community’s blood supply.

As a sign of our appreciation, you will receive two free movie tickets to Carmike Cinemas. Tickets will be mailed within two weeks after the donation.

-- Customer Service Department, Central Blood Bank

...

Dear Donors:

An e-mail was recently sent in error. In the e-mail, donors were referred to as “having pledged at their last High School Blood drive.” You were incorrectly selected in our system as a high school blood donor. We acknowledge the error in distribution and apologize for any confusion it may have caused.

The incentive that was referenced in the previous e-mail is for a select group of high school donors only.

-- Customer Service Department, Central Blood Bank

Dear CSDCBB:

Fine then. I'm never donating blood again.

-- Dr. N

遗失护照

Dear Dr. Nello:

I've heard rumors that the U.S. government confiscated your passport and that the Chinese government not only banned you from ever visiting their country, but also from visiting any and all Chinese buffets stateside. Could you please explain why?

-- Sum1

Dear Sum1:

I think it was actually the other way around; bearded Chinese government woman stole my passport while the US government has banned me from visiting Chinese buffets, Old Country Buffets and Jimmy Buffets. I was able to sneak out of the country into Italy, where I sought asylum. (On a side note, I know an elderly Italian who should be in an asylum.)

Hiding in Italia was enjoyable until I saw a shemale and discovered it was Pride Week in Genoa. Pride is a deadly sin, and those people need to be more humble. When I tried to leave, though, I was detained in Munich, I think simply because Germans are mean people.

To answer your question, though, as to why all this started ... I played a joke on the Chinese because I gave them Coke cans that homeless men had gone to the bathroom on. The US government has banned me from the above locations because Obama is angry that Nurse Chris and I are running such a successful presidential campaign.

In the end, I got a new passport by selling my sole (I had a beat-up pair of imitation Converses that apparently are in high demand in Europe). I made it to the States in time for the Fourth of July and, of course, the 2½ anniversary of this website.

-- Dr. N

2½ Years

How much longer can this last?