Nurse Chris:I have a drinking problem. Right now I am drinking diet root beer. Diet! Can you believe it? And I'm not repulsed! This is a problem and I don't know what to do.
-- Dr. Nellephant
I am terribly sorry to hear of someone in this type of situation. Fortunately many people who drink diet soda make a complete recovery, but it's not always easy. Diet soda has a weird way of attacking the central nervous system similar to cigarettes. The victim becomes numb to the horrible aftertaste either because it has been too long since they last experienced real soda, or because they slowly killed off their good taste brain cells.
There are two ways to treat this. The first way is to look at other people who drink diet soda. Most of them are not in good shape and can't afford to drink real soda. You will naturally want to dissociate yourself with those people and and your brain will start functioning normally again. The downside to this is that you can easily slip back into your old habits if you don't continually look at out of shape people, and no one really wants to do that.
The second alternative is to go to the store, buy a 12 pack, and drink it in under an hour. This will jolt your body back to where it should be. The downside to this method is that if you drink too much soda at once, you will become out of shape yourself and be forced to drink diet soda.
A supplement to either of these of these methods is DSDA (Diet Soda Drinkers Anonymous), they hold weekly meetings and are free to attend. Find one in your area and try it out.
If all else fails, I suggest counseling to help you get back into your normal drinking habits.
-- Nurse Chris
3 comments:
In reading Phant's question and Nurse Chris's sweet, but inadequate response, I saw between the lines and once again recognized the anti-Oedipal complex. What wasn't addressed is - does the drinker have a problem because he doesn't like the taste of diet soda or doesn't want to associate himself with his mother or aunts who always drank chilled cans of diet soda around him? Is it a problem of flavor or an intense dislike for the matriarchs he knew as a child? Of course, I could tell by the way the question was worded that it was written by a male. If his problem is indeed one of wanting to disassociate himself from his mother then he should promptly ask her to cross him out of her will and then everyone will be happy and he will find that he will quickly regain his appetite for the sweet bubbly again - he may even start drinking champaign!
this mother mary person is crazy and her post should be disregarded by all.
as for fat people and diet soda, i think we need to ask: is it because these people are fat that they drink diet soda, or is it because THERE IS SOMETHING IN DIET SODA THAT IS MAKING THESE PEOPLE FAT? obviously, the diet companies are conspiring against us. DIET SODA CAUSES OBESITY!!!
-- Dr. Nellephone
oops! i meant to sign in under "other." that last post wasn't really dr. nello. it was dr. nellephone.
those two doctors are not related.
and neither is dr. nellephant.
all three are completely different people.
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